Oh dear Gods, and my father Satan, where do I begin? FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH is a band I loved once upon a time. And by that I mean 2007-2011. Then they decided to be stupo’s and release not only a double album that sucked goat balls, but a weaksauce follow up with Got Your Six. How fucking dare they ever use a military term, as I’ve stated before as a veteran. It’s simple. This band has been on a downward spiral since 2011 and they ain’t getting better anytime soon. Can any of you seriously tell me you love this idiotic band and look forward to each new release? No? Didn’t think so.
So, for fun’s sake let’s take a look at the wanna-be band’s new album And Justice For None (out now, Prospect Park) and see if there’s anything to salvage. Well, the opening one-two “punch” of songs in “Fake” and “Top of the World” run into each other, which should come as no surprise. Come on, the band has been using the same chords and melodies for years now, so these two go squarely in the recycle bin. However, my dear friend Annie Atlasman’s photography is featured in the CD jacket, so there’s at least one positive, right?
“Sham Pain” might just be lyrically and musically the worst song I’ve ever heard in all my years on this planet. Oh, really? You’re upset because you have to do meet and greets? And you talk shit on Blabbermouth? Meanwhile Ivan, your band members are happily giving quotes to them. So maybe you stop giving them the fuel, dumbass. “Fire In the Hole” once again borrows from military terminology while managing to be an absolute suckfest of a song. “I Refuse” is the type of song that makes me want to vomit on the sidewalk because it’s so fucking fake.
“It Doesn’t Matter” is a fitting title for a FIVE FINGER DICK PUNCH song because, let’s face it…does anything they say or do matter? This band is beyond a joke, and beyond a punchline. The music and lyrics do the same thing over and over again, as usual, but this time I can smell desperation. The real musicians in this band know that the money train will probably stop in a few years, so they’d better get ready. And as far as Ivan Moody is concerned, don’t worry, he’ll be in rehab again, or dead, before you know it.
Man, once again these idiots serve up an unbelievable piece of shit and then have the nerve to call it an “album.” Rock 101 cliches abound, and Ivan once again makes sure to let everyone know that “Motherfucker” is a big part of his limited neanderthal vocabulary. The only saving grace of this whole thing is “Blue On Black”, a cover of the KENNY WAYNE SHEPHERD classic. Other than that, And Justice For None is without a doubt THE worst album of 2018. And if I never hear it again it will be too soon. And yet these idiots are co-headlining ampitheaters this summer. I weep for the future…
RATING: 1/10 (IN OTHER WORDS, DOGSHIT)