Vans Warped Tour: Gexa Energy Pavilion – Dallas, TX 6/27/15

68 -WARPED 1



Family Force Five

I really love coming out of the gate on these reviews with some very direct statement, so I’ll start with this little bomb right here: If you don’t like Vans Warped Tour, or believe it’s ‘polluting’ the scene or whatever you “TRVE” hardcore kids are saying these days, shut the fuck up, and don’t go. It’s that simple. If you don’t enjoy the bands, or what the staff brings to the table, then you have every opportunity to not buy a ticket, stay home, eat Cheetos, and not bother the kids who are looking to have fun, and be happy for a little bit. I understand it’s populated with some kids who shop at Hot Topic waaaaaay too much, but there are plenty of folks who are just trying to enjoy some bands, and hang out. Now, I’m going to break this review up into some statements about specific acts, then a portion about the entire festival overall. So strap in, or strap on (whatever floats your boat), we’re gonna dive right in.

After seeing some passable performances, I managed to wander toward the stage ‘68 was playing on. Honestly, not enough people were there to witness what happened, and they need to get rid of the barrier for those guys. You would think two men on a stage (a guitarist, and a drummer) would struggle to keep the crowd’s attention, but it was fucking crazy. Seriously. Josh Scoggin (Guitar) is a true frontman, and a commander when it comes to bringing out the crazy in folks. I can’t say good enough things about those two guys, and I really really hope they get some major fame to bring them into the public light. They deserve it for everything they leave on the stage.


I Killed the Prom Queen

Now, I’ve reviewed an August Burns Red show for A&GS before, and I gave them nothing but praise. Know what I’m gonna do this time?

Can you guess? Wanna bet? Go ahead, place your money, I’ll wait…. All done? Good. I’m going to say…THEY WERE FUCKING INCREDIBLE AGAIN. If there’s a more technically proficient, tight, and more perfectly orchestrated band out there, I don’t have a damn clue who they would be. ABR is a well-oiled, and perfectly tuned brutality machine. It was pure energy, intensity, and elegance all rolled into a sweaty burrito of musicianship. So tasty.


Neck Deep

It’s been a long long time since I’ve been enveloped in music all day, and I must say, it was amazing. The only people who are complaining about Warped are the ones who can’t go, the ones who are pissed that not every band appeals to them, and the ones who don’t support live bands anyway. So with all due respect, they can go fuck themselves in half.

I’m not a fan of 90% of the bands that were on the bill and guess what? I didn’t have to watch those bands. I just got to see what appealed to me, and what I wanted to almost have a heat stroke to. Staying hydrated was simple, and the staff was helpful when I needed anyone. The crowd traffic was shitty in some situations, but that’s more so the geography of the venue’s fault rather than Warped Tour’s placements and people just being uneducated shitlords who like to walk in the opposite direction of traffic flow.

Now of course, as with every single festival in the history of ever, there are going to be people there who are just trendy shit-dicks who are going because it’s cool, and they want the latest edgy merch from whatever band is printing the word “FUCK” in all capital bold letters so they can piss off their parents and let them know, “Yes mom. Yes dad. I’m a full blown cunt.”



The Kenneths

Guess what?! You don’t have to deal with those fucking people if you don’t want to! It’s this really cool thing where you can mind your own business, get your ass off social media, watch whatever bands you want, and have a great fucking time! Revolutionary right?! You can do that these days without complaining about every little thing that doesn’t go your way! I’ve seen several social media warriors lately bitching about trivial things that don’t matter, so I’m going to lay out the facts here:

Warped Tour is great. Shut the fuck up about it.

Trendy bands have been on the bill since it started. Shut the fuck up about it.

It’s always going to be a billion degrees outside. Shut the fuck up about it.


The Wonder Years

Festivals are a rough thing. They’re usually in extreme weather conditions, and with a lot of gross people you don’t want to deal with. But the music you experience is worth far far more than any of the bad things you feel or experience. The music amounts to such an emotional high that if you deny it, that’s your own fault, because it was literally brought to your doorstep in the form of a small moving musical city that you chose to write off because you wanted to bitch. Do yourself a favor, go see local bands in your community. Get to know those people. Then, when a festival comes around, all of you go in a big group, and have an incredible time. That’s what they’re there for. Sure, someone’s making money off it, but don’t worry about that. Get your tickets, and have a great time with people you love. Don’t write off what the music is trying to do for you.



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